The Second Marriage, How To Make It Work
2011
The Second Marriage And How To Make It Work
If you are planning a second marriage, there are several factors to consider. Regardless the
reason you are remarrying, a second marriage could still bring on common issues, such
as finances. After all, each partner is coming into the relationship with their own financial
obligations and responsibilities. You need to consider if it is best to keep separate what you
brought into the marriage or to fuse everything together. Sometimes this can be difficult if
children are involved. Remember that when you remarry, you marry everything and not just
parts, so communicate.
In a perfect world, men and women would marry, live happily and leave this world together so
that no one would ever need for a second marriage. Unfortunately life is not like that and things
happen that are out of our control. Spouses may pass away before their time leaving their partner
all alone with a long life ahead or some marriages just do not work out and end up in divorce.
Divorce
One would think that a person getting married again would learn from the mistakes made in their
first marriage, but sadly that is not usually the case. Quite often people marry to have certain
needs fulfilled and because it is with someone new, it seems different, but in the end they usually
end up taking the same path as before.
At times people leave a marriage because of finances, lack of communication, sex problems, etc.
You obviously want to avoid these problems in the next relationship, however more often than
naught what you find is that your new partner has what your first spouse lacked, and perhaps
vice versa.
If you have been divorced you need to understand what you did wrong the first time so that you
do not make the same mistakes again and communicate these issues often.
Widow
Often a second marriage after the death of your spouse can be very challenging. You may feel
like you’re betraying your deceased partner or possibly that you might be cheating. Wanting to
remarry after the loss of your spouse only shows how great your first marriage was and that you
want to experience it again.
If you’re remarrying someone who has lost their spouse, you need to be respectful of the
memory of the deceased former mate. If you are remarrying after the loss of your own spouse,
you in return need put this relationship first as no one wants to be in second place or compared
to another person. You should also try not to mourn the loss of the other partner when you’re
with your new spouse. If you still need time to grieve, you should wait before marrying again.
A second marriage does not mean you forget, as it’s good to keep the memory alive for those
who knew them, especially for children, but your heart needs to now be open only to your new
spouse.
When Chidren Are Involved
Like any marriage you do not want to rush in to anything, especially since most second
marriages come with different factors than the first, such as the presence of children. The new
soon-to-be-spouse must never come into the relationship thinking that they are going to replace
the other parent. They need to do what is best for the children and make an effort to understand
what they are going through. Children can hinder your second marriage if you do not have open
communication between everyone, as all involved need to show acceptance and mutual respect
for one another.
Additionally, the former spouse can also cause problems in your new marriage, especially if you
drag your new partner into the old messes. You need to take the high road and especially if you
have children because they will feel forced to choose sides when they should be honoring and
respecting both parents. Marriage is meant to be forever even and if you get divorced, and have
children, you need to find away to be respectful to one another. If the other partner isn’t, you
need to be the bigger person.
Teach your children the right thing and never degrade your former spouse, no matter how old
your children our, because no matter what they will always love that person and you need to
respect that.
Second marriages do have their own unique challenges, but as long as you both are sensitive to
one another’s needs, whether good times or hard, communicate and don’t be selfish way, then
you will be on the road to a successful and fulfilling relationship.
Maui Wedding Photographer- Nicole Sanchez
