Getting Married, things to discuss before you do

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Discussing Marriage


One of the first things to consider is whether or not your partner wants to get married, and do this before you buy the ring. You should discuss, or at least bring up the idea of marriage. Some people might think that this could ruin the surprise of the proposal because they will know you plan to propose but that’s not usually the case. You can bring it up in different ways such as what are your feelings on marriage? Another way is to put on a movie about weddings such as “Father of The Bride” or the “Wedding Planner.” Then you can discuss it afterwards or slip in some sly comments like “you sure would look good in white” or “who would your maid of honor be.”




After you have proposed there are some crucial items that you need to discuss before you get married. You need to begin to see your life together to see if you are truly compatible as a married couple rather than just friends. One of the bigger issues is finances, which is one of the leading causes of divorce. One way to prevent this is to sit down together and discuss each other’s finances and see how much debt each of you have. In most marriages there is usually a saver and a spender, therefore if you go into a marriage with blinders on, there could be major problems later. You should discuss spending habits, the use of credit cards, your careers and saving habits, then come up with a budget that you both can agree on.




Another major problem that can be avoided if simply discussed beforehand are the potential in-law situations. What are your relationships like with your family and how will it affect your future spouse. The best advice I ever got was to never involve your family in your disagreements because in most cases they will always side with you and therefore may begin to hold it against your partner. How will the holidays be spent? Whose house will you go to or will you go to both? Having a game plan is key to avoiding arguments. So come up with a plan that you both can agree on and be open to the plan needing alterations as the future may change when others are involved too.


Having Children


Most people know that as soon as you tie the knot, others will begin to ask the proverbial question, “so when do you plan on having kids?” It is a life altering decision and should not be taken lightly. Therefore, before you get engaged, you need to discuss not only when or if you plan having kids, but also how many and how far apart you want them if wanting multiples. In addition, if you have different religious views, which one will you choose or how will you go about incorporating both views into your children lives. Will one of you stay home with the children or will it become daycare or a nanny while you’re both working? Another big aspect is discipline. You both need to be on the same page or you will have little terrors running your household. Simply put, when it comes to having kids, what are your expectations of each other?


Household Chores


In today’s society, many people are living together before they get married, so dividing household chores has probably already been done. However, if you do not like the current arrangement, then now is the time to voice your opinion. Do it before you’re married so it doesn’t become an issue afterwards. Both of you need to decide as to who will do the bills, grocery shopping, laundry and other chores.


If you have a game plan then it can prevent so many disagreements later in the marriage. One of the bigger issues in a marriage, or any relationship, is compromise. So go in with your eyes wide open so that you will prevent any major surprises later.